it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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