peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
