That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
