Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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