just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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