They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
