fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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