you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
