My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you traded sex for a burrito?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
