I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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