Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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