i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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