Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
