so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Holy shit dude........stairs
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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