the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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