my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I need to calm my uterus...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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