If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
