I cockslap morals
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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