I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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