I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
