I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
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Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house