Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
