Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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