We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?