she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
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we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
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I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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