I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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