He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
