I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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