that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
