I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
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And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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