the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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