I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
