I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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