How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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