just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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