if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
