Kiss
Puke
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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