I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
