is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
