you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
