I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize