How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
