She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
