i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
