i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
