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My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
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