Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence