his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The beer is more important than you right now.
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you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
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I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2