I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
