mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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