so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
