Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
