my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
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