You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
