When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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