i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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