Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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