Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
