I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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