Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
