Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
