She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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